He Must REALLY Like Coffee

Stupid criminals have “keestered” things for years, but a 51-year-old guy in Florida may have just crowned himself the “Keester MVP!” The guy was arrested the other day, and when cops booked him into jail, they found the largest item they’ve ever seen hidden in someone’s REAR END (or as the local sheriff put it, his “exit ramp”). After he was arrested they put him through an X-ray at the jail. And that’s when they realized, he was hiding a full-sized THERMOS up there. They didn’t say exactly how big it was, or the brand (???). But they shared the X-ray, and it looks big. At first they thought he was trying to smuggle drugs or weapons into jail. But it turned out it was just the thermos. They rushed him to a hospital, where a “specialist” removed it. He told the police he “stored it” there 24 hours earlier (???). Officials say he would have died if the thermos had stayed where it was much longer. He had a long rap sheet with at least 25 other arrests and five stints in prison. He also said he’s been using meth for 28 years . . . which might explain things. (Don’t do drugs, kids) Here’s the X-ray and his mugshot.