“Signs You Are Too Fat to Be in The Military”

Secretary of War Pete Hegseth and President Trump met with hundreds of high ranking military officials this week. To outline reforms to the current expectations for how the US military will physically look and act going forward. Saying there will no longer be “fat troops” or “fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon.” So since there’s NOTHING hypocritical about a “fat guy” talking about others who might be “Thin Challenged”, I offer up “KAHUNA’S 10 SIGNS YOU ARE TOO FAT TO BE IN THE MILITARY” (in no particular order) . . .

– You tell your troops “There are three ways of doing things in this man’s army: the right way, the wrong way, and Subway.”

– You call your helmet the upside-down ice cream bowl.

– You yell “drop and give me 20-piece McNuggets.”

– Your foxhole is the Grand Canyon.

– Your idea of “camouflage” is spilling mustard on yourself.

– You get winded saluting.

– Instead of Ten Hut, you yell Pizza Hut.

– Your lobster bib is made of Kevlar.

– You will only take orders from General Tso and Colonel Sanders.

– You’ve replaced the water in your canteen with gravy.