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Ways America Will Be Different Now That We’re All Allowed to Get Drunk

Steve Artressia

New government health guidelines will get rid of the “two drinks-a-day” limit. So the way I look at it, Uncle Sam is giving us the greenlight to PAAAR-TAY!!!!!! But what will a nation of 340 million boozehounds look like? Probably anything from today’s list of . . . The Top 5 Ways America Will Be Different Now That We’re All Allowed to Get Drunk . . .

#5) Goodbye, St. Patrick’s Day . . . Hello, St. Patrick’s Month.

#4) The line at Taco Bell will be WAY longer.

#3) The Statue of Liberty will replace the torch with a funnel.

#2) Sorry, George Washington.  America’s Founding Father is now Samuel Adams.

#1) America’s team will now be the Cleveland Browns, because you GOTTA be drunk to be a Brown’s Fan . . . Trust – Me – On – That.